M Theory
by Emperor Lex
Summary: One year after the events of Twilight Princess, Link finds himself wrenched out of Hyrule and dropped into a new adventure. He must join forces with Mario and Sonic to defeat a dark force that threatens to destroy reality itself.
1. Routine

**Disclaimer: All of the characters, settings, and games are properties of their respective owners. I only own the plot and any OCs.**

**UPDATE: I rewrote most of this chapter, changing a few key plot points. **

The sun rose cheerfully over the Mushroom Kingdom, creating a scene of picturesque beauty as it lit up the walls of a pink castle. Birds sang cheerfully and early risers were just waking up to go to work.

A Toad, one of the inhabitants of the local town, tore down a gravel road as if his life depended upon it. He screeched to a halt in front of a simple house with a large front lawn and began pounding on the front door with surprising force for his small size. As if this wasn't enough, he began to frantically ring the doorbell simultaneously.

Mario shrieked and lumped up out of bed, tripping on his sheets and landing face-first into a throw rug. Grumbling, he threw on his overalls and signature cap, making his way for the door. Whoever was disturbing him like this had better have a good reason for it.

"Four weeks out, trying to save her again, then two weeks trapped in a painting! Seriously, can't I get one day of rest?" he asked to no one in particular

Mario threw open the front door, revealing Toad with an extremely panicked look on his face.

"What is it? Who died? Where was the attack?" Mario questioned, refusing to believe that anything less than that was worth waking him up over.

Toad took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry to say this, but... we need your help again."

"Again?! Do you know what I've been through? I spent almost a month saving Peach last time, and what do I get for my troubles? E. Gadd calls me out, then I get trapped in a painting for two weeks! I need some sleep!"

"I know, I know..." Toad muttered, looking genuinely sympathetic. "But it's a madhouse around here! See, just yesterday, the sky went nuts! It turned dark green, and there was all this creepy pink lightning and thunder! It wasn't like anything I'd ever seen before. It sure scared the heck out of most of the citizens. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Toad questioned, somewhat accusingly.

Luigi, who had walked out of the front door just in time to see this, began to whistle innocuously, making him appear more conspicuous than before. "Well... it's a_ really_ long story. We'll tell you later."

"Oh, I know that it was probably important. Just try telling that to..." he made a face, twirling his finger next to his head in the universal symbol for 'crazy'.

It was well known that the citizens of Toad Town were easily excitable, not to mention extremely xenophobic. Even the merest mention of the words 'Koopa', 'Goomba', or 'Bean' was enough to send some of them into (at least) a panic or (at most) a full-blown metaphorical witch hunt to remove the offending member of society.

"Can't it just wait for a day or two? I need to get some sleep!"

Toad signed, as if he was really regretting what he was about to say. "It really can't wait. I don't know how much longer this can keep going on!"

"Don't you have someone else to take over for a few days? Toadsworth, or someone?"

"No! They're all like 'NO ONE CAN RULE BUT PEACH! It's pathetic, isn't it? And if you ask me-" he said, lowering his voice to a confidential whisper- "I really don't think that Peach is a competent leader.'"

"What does Toad Town do every other time she's kidnapped? This happens every few months, at least!"

"They don't _do_ anything!"

It was Mario's turn to be shocked. "You mean… you have no other form of government? I'm gone for months, sometimes! How does the economy stay stable?"

"Economy? Stable? As if. I'm one of the only ones who pays any attention to the government. Me, Toadsworth, and Toadbert are the only ones who really care about anything. According to everyone else, it's Peach's job. Our economy is failing... almost no one else will trade with us. We grow nearly all of our own food."

The sheer level of incompetence of these citizens finally hit Mario with all the subtlety of a bus. "Oh great... and _I _ just introduced several million coins into the equation. Mamma mia..."

"What's the problem?"

"Do you remember my last adventure? With all the gold flowers?"

"How could I forget? That certainly was an innovation... But that reminds me. I think I'll make a run out to the bank later today. I have about twenty thousand bucks, along with several nice, big gems..." He had given a portion of his money to E. Gadd, partially in thanks for supporting him, and partially to pay for the upgrades to the Poltergust 5000 and the damages to his mansions and lab equipment he had caused.

"Forget about it! We can't let that money go into circulation!"

"Why not? I wanted to add on to my mansion, get some nice food, build a doghouse..."

"If you let that money get out there, you won't even be able to buy a loaf of bread with that much!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Hyperinflation! Peach is too incompetent to manage the economy, and _we're ruining it further! Remember the Beanbean incident?"_

The Beanbean incident took place several years earlier. After their tryst into the Beanbean Kingdom, with defeating Bowser and saving the world from Cackletta and her lackey, they returned home for a massive surprise. The Beanbean coins that they brought back were worth several _hundred_ _billion_ Mushroom coins. Wisely, Mario decided to keep the majority of his Beanbean coins out of circulation and only trade in _one_ to make a huge profit.

They had both assumed that Prince Peasley was just being a jerk when he gave them only 99 Beanbean coins for the massive amount of Mushroom coins they won from him. Little did they realize that the exchange rate really was that bad, with trade nearly ceasing between the two kingdoms due to the great differences in currency.

In hindsight, it was no wonder that the relationships between the two kingdoms were so strained.

Luigi chuckled. "Oh, no, bro. That money isn't Mushroom currency! It's almost universal otherwise, accepted in Darklands, Beanbean, and Evershade. So, it looks like _I'm_ safe, while _you_ have to keep those six million coins out of circulation."

Mario groaned. He had never looked at it that way before. "Great. Just great. Bowser finally invents something useful for a change, and I can't even take advantage of it?" he asked rhetorically.

Sighing, Mario turned to Toad. "If I go save Peach, do you think you can keep everyone calm for a few more days?"

"Well... you know how they are. I'll try my best- maybe Toadsworth can lie and say she's sick in bed."

Mario and Luigi discreetly made their way to the gate of Toad Town, before turning down an obscure side road. "Let's take this warp pipe. I just got it installed yesterday... it cost me about eight thousand coins."

Jumping on the top of the pipe together, the brothers descended into blackness.


	2. Awakening

Sonic the Hedgehog ran across an open field, heading for a distant speck on the horizon. Boosting until he reached the speed of sound, he made short work of the distance and stopped directly in front of the door to a massive structure.

Tails landed next to him. "Whew... It took me a while to catch up with you there. I wish we still had the Tornado..."

"Don't tell me... they took that, too?"

Tails hopped out of the biplane, landing on the packed earth. "Yep. They took everything. Why are you going after Eggman all of a sudden?"

"Well, I saw something the other day that had his name written all over it. Literally. Ready to go?"

Tails nodded. Sonic ran up the sides of the building, and tore across the roof. He spotted an enormous skylight and decided it a good place to do some spying.

Peering over the edge of it, he was able to see that Eggman was sitting on a chair of some sort, surrounded by attentive robots. One of them handed a list of papers to him.

"YES! It's a success! Robot 241-B, initiate Phase 2!"

Sonic jumped through an open pane, landing in a crouch on the floor. Tails dropped in behind him. "Give up, Eggman! I heard all of your plans!"

Eggman's face contorted with fury upon the sight of the blue hedgehog, but his anger was quickly replaced by a forced smile.

"Ah. Glad to see you were able to make it, Sonic."

Sonic looked at him, shocked. "Isn't this usually the part where you shout my name, then reveal all of your plans to me?"

"Usually, yes. Then I realized how horribly cliché that was of me. Do come in." he said, gesturing to a waiting area.

Skeptical, Sonic examined his nemesis. "Are you feeling okay, doc? Usually by this time…"

Eggman interrupted him. "Yes, I know. I'm usually fighting you in some ill-conceived giant contraption. Follow me; we have more pressing matters to attend to."

Eggman began waddling down a long hallway carpeted in red. Pictures lined both of the walls, creating the impression of an opulent room. Sonic hesitated for a second before he and Tails began to follow Eggman.

Easily matching the fatter man's pace, Sonic said "You, doc, have stooped. You've come up with some insane schemes in the past, but 'Eggman Mart'? Don't you know how tacky that sounds?"

Eggman smiled broadly. "Yes, Eggman Mart! With prices so low they're criminal! True, it does sound tacky, but the public thinks the contrary. Stock prices have never been higher, as you can see." He handed Sonic a sheet of paper.

"So, it's the old 'turn-good' scheme, where you pretend to have reformed and then go back to evil once our backs are turned? You've already tried that- remember that amusement park where you had to enslave those aliens? "

Eggman's face darkened briefly, but he kept up his cheerful demeanor. "No, Sonic, I've reformed for real this time. You see, after our last… _encounter_, I found myself stranded in a time rift. With literally an infinite amount of time to think things over, I came to a conclusion."

He stopped at the end of the hall, pushing open a door to reveal a conference room.

"I realized that I could gain a lot more money by actually selling things legitimately. That way, I can still 'roll in the dough', as they say, and you'll have no reason to stop me."

Sonic glared at the doctor, but realized that he had a point. He really couldn't do anything to 'Eggman Mart', as cheesy as it was, until Eggman actually committed a crime.

"All right, doc… just make sure that nothing _else _is illegal. Why have you brought me here?"

Eggman sat down in one of the larger chairs. "It has come to my attention that the public holds extremely high opinions of you and could, in time, react well to seeing 'Sonic endorsed' products. Seeing as how you're so famous, I don't see how you can refuse. Especially since you might get a sizable portion."

"What the heck are you talking about, Eggman? What 'can't I refuse'?"

Eggman chuckled. "It's very simple. I'm asking if you will allow Eggman Industries to use your name and image on its products. In short, merchandising."

"Are you INSANE? No way will I ever sign anything over to you! I'll never have anything to do with 'Eggman Mart' or Eggman industries, and I'm sure that Tails feels the same way!"

Tails remained silent; not wanting to admit that he bought an Eggman Industries nuclear-powered toaster the other day (and was enjoying its increased efficiently greatly).

"Very well. I'll leave you time to think about it." He handed Sonic a business card. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. Might I add that the same offer also extends to your two-tailed friend here?"

"Look, Eggman, I already said that I—"

Sonic was cut off as the front wall to the room ceased to exist. An enormous explosion sprayed the room with rubble, upsetting most of the pictures on the walls outside.

All three pairs of eyes turned to look at the person responsible.

A black hedgehog with a patch of gray on his upper spines stood in the doorway. He would have looked completely ordinary, if it weren't for his lack of mouth.

Somehow, the creature managed to speak anyway. "Ah ha ha ha! It is I, your greatest foe! I desire revenge after our last encounter, hedgehog!"

Sonic stared at him blankly, and then turned to Tails. "Have you ever seen this guy before?" Both he and Eggman shook their heads.

The figure seemed flustered. "Great, I forgot that…wait…" His form shifted slightly, and then seemed to glow with light. A huge purple mass took the place of the hedgehog.

"Mwahaha! I have just FOOLED YOU with this brilliant disguise! Now, hedgehog, face your old enemy and the wrath of DARK GAIA!"

"Funny, I don't ever remember Dark Gaia talking the last time we met."

"Oh, for the love of… well, ONCE AGAIN, I have TRICKED YOU! You never knew that I could speak, so it must come as a surprise to you, now!"

Sonic rolled his eyes before crouching into a fighting pose. "Talking or not, you're still going down!"

"I think not, hedgehog. If it's battle that you want, there will come a time when we will meet again, like dueling banjos...er...forget it."

"Dark Gaia" made a motion with his face, causing the room to flood with purple smoke. Sonic, Tails, and Eggman all fell to the ground, choking. Before the world went black, Sonic was sure that he could see a ripple in the air.


	3. Reincarnation

"I guess I should thank you for coming with me. If you had just stayed home, you wouldn't be here right now..." Mario muttered, feeling regretful that his status as a hero was causing so much trouble.

"Nonsense! I guess it's my job to save you, now!" Luigi joked.

They hopped off of the pipe and began making their way across the black rock to a castle only a few hundred feet away. "You think they'll be all right?" Luigi asked.

"I honestly don't know... I never thought things would get that bad. I just hope they're sensible enough to trade with Bowser or Queen Bean."

Despite Toad Town's blatant xenophobia and racism, most of the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom was readily accepting of Bowser and his works. Trade between him and the more outlying territories was commonplace, and several Toads worked in his fields and factories. Mario had to give Bowser credit where it was due. For one who owned a kingdom composed entirely out of igneous rock and lava, he produced more than enough food to export and still keep his country in prosperity.

In Darklands, almost everyone supported the Koopa Troop in some way or another. The citizens were surprisingly friendly, the economy was bustling, and it was easy to get a job. All in all, it was what Toad Town should have been like. Mario blamed it on the current administration.

Eventually, he and Luigi made their way to the castle gate. Unbeknownst to many, he and Bowser were usually on speaking terms. Sure, Bowser hated him with a passion, but respected him as an enemy as well. He wasn't against Mario's presence in Darklands (with the exception of during his military campaigns), and Mario had in fact acquired several rare items off of the black market that were impossible to find in the Mushroom Kingdom.

He figured that the kidnappings were more of an amusement than anything to Bowser, seeing as how he and Peach were never destined to be together. The last time they tried, it had nearly destroyed the universe!

Bowser was in complete acceptance of this fact, but continued the kidnappings despite it. Almost as if he had an underlying motive other than just to annoy Mario.

"Hey... do you ever wonder why Bowser kidnaps Peach so much?" he voiced his question out loud.

"Well... I don't really know. He gave up on trying to marry her a few months ago, seeing as how it would destroy the universe if they were together. I always thought it was for political reasons..." Luigi remarked, surprising Mario.

How could he have been so blind?! He had never seen the kidnappings as more than an act of malice, spite, or amusement, but Luigi's reasoning made a lot of sense. Through marriage, he could have gained legitimate conquest over both kingdoms without having to fire a shot.

Mario could easily see why he wanted it, too, despite the prosperity of his own kingdom. The majority of the Mushroom Kingdom was undeveloped, with no farmland, industry, or even residential zoning developed in the vast majority of the territories. Peach either was an incompetent ruler or just kidnapped so much that she never had a chance to do anything.

None of this had an effect on Peach's personality, of course. Despite how bad a ruler she might have been, she was still one of Mario's closest friends, and he intended to keep her as such. She was also on speaking terms with the Koopa King, even taking the time to race karts, play golf, or go to tournaments with him.

Luigi and Bowser's relationships with her, on the other hand, seemed to diminish immediately after the near-end of the world incident a few months ago. They were both apparently bitter of the fact that Peach got to go to heaven while the three of them were simply thrown down to hell. Despite never having actually died, it was clear that the two harbored some resentment against the administration upstairs, metaphorically speaking.

While pondering this, Mario had failed to notice that the castle doors were open and waiting for him to enter.

"That's... unexpected." Luigi pointed out. If Bowser had kidnapped Peach, it usually meant an extremely cold (and often painful) reception for them.

A portly Koopa waddled out of the door. He was wearing thick glasses and holding a clipboard. "Name?" he asked in the most deadpan voice one could imagine.

"_Really?_" Mario asked. "You don't know who _I_ am?" He was used to Luigi being forgotten, but he was...

The Koopa laughed, relishing the surprise on Mario's face. "No, I'm just messing with you! Mario and Green 'Stache. Go right in. Bowser's expecting you."

"Is he really?"

"No, but I always wanted to say that!"

Mario rolled his eyes at the immature guard. "Fine, fine. We'll only be a few minutes."

He walked down the hall, once again pausing to marvel at the design differences between Peach's and Bowser's castles. Bowser either was really in love with his own image or had a serious inferiority complex, based on how many statues, carvings, and symbols of him were displayed. Based on his brash personality, Mario expected the former.

"Ah, Green 'Stache. Is there another rare artifact you need to pay me to get, or have you just come to revel in my awesomeness? BWA HA HA!"

Yep. That was Bowser. He could tell it from a mile away.

Mario scratched the back of his head, feeling uncomfortable. "Well, this is awkward... but I need to ask... did you kidnap Peach again?"

Bowser genuinely looked confused. "No, not yet. In fact, I was supposed to do it again sometime later next… HEY! I'm not revealing my military strategy to you!"

"Really? Well, someone did!"

"Huh. It wasn't me. I've been helping old Kamek clean up after this weird event that happened yesterday. The skies turned a creepy dark reen , and there was a freak thunderstorm or something with pink lightning. Kamek kept babbling something about 'paranormal limit' or 'dimensional collapse'... either of you two know what that means?"

Luigi shifted uncomfortably. Sure, it was foolish to assume that the incident in the Treacherous Mansion would go unnoticed by everyone, but why did they always think _he_ had something to do with it? Never mind the fact that it was correct, it was just annoying!

"Well... I'll tell you some other time."

"That's all? No rare artifact you want to sell me? No treaty from Peach yet? HA HA HA! I can't imagine they're doing too well!"

Mario was about to ask him _just_ what he meant by that when Luigi cut him off. "Hey, you know what this reminds me of? That time a few months ago when we thought you kidnapped Peach, but didn't. It was actually..."

"Count Bleck! Count Bleck stole your pathetic princess." a voice spoke from the ceiling.

All eyes focused on the source of the voice. What appeared to be a creature consisting entirely of its cloak and enormous top hat floated down to the deck of the ship.

"I thought you were dead!" Mario exclaimed.

For some reason, this sent the figure into peals of psychotic laughter "Ah ha ha ha ah ha ha ha… if only he knew the extend of what he said…" Count Bleck wheezed.

"Regardless. Count Bleck needs your help with a problem that is… er… Problematic! Yes, that is it! It is problematic like a jam in the copy machine of life that prevents…" He tapered off, realizing that everyone was staring at him.

"You DO need help, buddy, if you think that you can come to ME and ask for help! Get out of here before I turn you into cosmic confetti!"

"Regardless. Count Bleck will get your help whether you agree or not." Motioning with his staff, an invisible box formed around Mario, Luigi, and Bowser.

"Hey! Weren't you supposed to be _good_ now?" Luigi questioned.

"Good, bad, what are these words? asked Count Bleck. What matter does it make? It will all be inconsequential in time!" The figure let out another peal of psychotic laughter, seeming much more unhinged than the actual Count ever had.

"BLECK HEH HEH HEH! said COUNT BLECK!" the figure loudly proclaimed, waving his scepter through the air.

With a ripple that distorted the space around it, Mario, Luigi, and Bowser disappeared into thin air.


	4. Red Tape

Sonic opened his eyes to see only blackness. Groaning, he pushed himself off of the ground.

Looking more closely, he could see that he was in a room of some kind, apparently made up entirely of a dark material. It seemed to almost absorb light, but it was rigid to the touch. Then he noticed the bars over the door.

Almost instinctively, he gripped the bars and yanked on them.

"Does that EVER work?" a voice from across the corridor asked.

Peering out the cell door, Sonic could make out Eggman's distinct form standing behind another cell door.

"Where are we?" he inquired, rubbing his temples.

"Apparently, we're in a jail or a holding cell of some kind." Tails commented from a nearby cell.

"Wonderful. Captain Obvious to the rescue once again."

Sonic cracked a smile at this. "Seriously, though, where are we?"

"I don't know, Sonic. The last I remember, Eggman was offering you a part in his business, then some large hedgehog busted down the wall, then he turned into Dark Gaia, then he gassed the room, then he…" Tails was babbling. He hardly ever babbled, so Sonic knew that this was serious.

"What's the big deal with that, Eggman? You must be insane for offering me a deal in your…"

Tails cut him off. "Sonic, you know that you need the money. Why don't you just take the offer?"

"TAILS! We talked about that!" Turning to Eggman, he commented "Don't worry about that… just some foolish nonsense…"

Eggman smiled hugely. Despite himself, Sonic had to admire how he could keep calm in the face of a situation like this. "Oh no, Sonic. This seems good. I want to hear it."

"Forget it, Eggman! I'm not telling you…"

"It's all about his taxes, Eggman!" Tails commented, unhelpfully.

"Taxes? Oh yes, this should be good indeed."

"I already said…"

"You see, it all started when he last saved Station Square after your last attack. This tax collector came up to him after the battle…"

"_Mr. Sonic, is it?" A heavyset man glanced over his thick glasses at Sonic. "While I applaud your efforts in defending the city, you must surely realize the extent of the collateral damage caused, and the fact that certain people must be reimbursed for your actions. Taking into consideration the fact that…"_

_Sonic stared around the city, trying to ignore the tax collector who was still droning on about some legal business. His attention snapped back to the collector suddenly. "I'm sorry; I didn't catch any of that."_

"_I said that I applaud your efforts in defending the city, but financial compensation must be made due to the extent of the…"_

_Sonic cut him off. "Speak English! Why are you talking to me?"_

_The man consulted a few notes on his clipboard, and then looked up at Sonic. "You owe $578,000 to the city. The final payment date possible for that deposit is in three weeks."_

_If it were possible, Sonic would have turned white. "WHAT? I OWE HOW MUCH?" Taking several deep breaths, he was able to slightly calm down. Speaking through clenched teeth, he seethed "This never happened before. Why. Should I. Start. Now?" _

_The collector seemed unfazed. "After your latest endeavor, the President decided to start a program named 'Hero insurance'. Of course, that name is a misnomer, seeing as how it is not insurance at all. An insurance program will reimburse one for damage done, but only under the condition that…" He babbled on for several minutes about the merits of a strong insurance plan, before branching off into a recommendation of purchasing a 401K plan. Finally coming to a conclusion, he said "To put it simply, you will have to pay for all of the damages that you cause on your heroic attempts."_

_Sonic's eyes bugged out. "Yeah, well GUESS WHAT? IF IT WEREN"T FOR MY HEROIC 'ATTEMPTS' AS YOU CALL THEM, YOU WOULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW! EVER THINK OF THAT?" he screamed in the tax collector's face. _

_Somehow, suggesting that he had seem much more of this sort of behavior than Sonic would have initially thought, the collector didn't even bat an eyelid at Sonic's outburst. "I'm sorry; Mr. Sonic, but rules are rules. You have three weeks to make the first payment. After that, we will be forced to liquidate your assets."_

_He waddled over to where Tails was standing. "Mr. Tails, is it? While I applaud your efforts in defending the city…"_

_Sonic rubbed his head. _How ironic, _he thought. _The fastest thing alive brought down by bureaucracy.

_The next three weeks flew by. Sonic didn't make the payment. _

"_I really appreciate you letting me move in with you, Tails. It'll only be for a couple of weeks, until I can get some money together…"_

"_Don't get too comfortable, Sonic. I owe a payment tomorrow, and…" he trailed off, leaving Sonic to fill in the blanks._

_Sonic's lack of cash stemmed from his inability to hold a simple 9 to 5 job, or any job at all for that matter. While he was certainly qualified, and most employers leapt at the chance to have the legendary Sonic on their payrolls, there was one little problem._

_Fangirls. _

_After his latest mission, he found himself constantly surrounded by annoying, pestering, persistent fangirls. Sure, he didn't mind signing the occasional autograph or posing for a picture once in a while, but this was too much. The constant pleas for marriage, offers to sell their possessions or their souls, begging for kisses or even to touch him, it nearly drove him to the edge of his patience. _

_Some employers appreciated the business. The bakery, for example, saw a huge increase in sales when Sonic started working there. Unfortunately, it was too good to last. One day, a stampede of fangirls destroyed the baked goods counter in a mad rush to get at Sonic, who ended up having to pay for the damages out of his salary. Obviously, he got fired after that. Other employers hated the extra attention and disruption to the business. One company even went so far as to call the police on the insane fans. When the company got fined for crank calling the police, Sonic was fired again._

_Days later, the inevitable happened. Tails was forced to sell his workshop. To EGGMAN. _

"_I can't believe that you sold your workshop to EGGMAN! What were you thinking, Tails?"_

"_Well, Sonic, he offered me a good price, and at least I have some money left over this way. It was either this, or the bank liquidates it at what I owe them, which is far less than it's actually worth."_

_Shortly after the deal concluded, Eggman personally cranked up an enormous bulldozer. Sonic wondered if he had constructed it just for the occasion. _

_Plowing through the forest around Tails' workshop, Eggman stopped mere inches in front of the door. Hopping down from his perch, he threw open the door and ran inside. Looking through the window, Tails could see him gleefully thumbing through his piles of blueprints and examining half-finished gadgets. _

_Going into town, Sonic was able to secure a deal at an old hotel. He and Tails would pool their cash to pay for separate rooms, and buy meals together. The living conditions weren't ideal, but it was better than living in the streets. The hotel manager as kind enough to offer a hero's discount to them, but the price was still high._

_Two weeks in to this living establishment, the Chaotix, of all people, came through the door. _

_Vector looked sheepishly at Sonic. "I… uh… hate to ask this… but do you think we could… uh…"_

_Charmy cut him off. "Could we stay with you guys for a while?"_

_Sonic looked at them knowingly. "Taxes?"_

_Espio nodded. _

"_Okay, here's the deal. You give us your money to pay for a separate room. Whatever's left over goes to buy meals for all of us. We eat dinner out at the end of the week." Sonic filled them in on the details._

_It was humiliating. The great Sonic the Hedgehog, reduced to living in an old hotel and eating fast food every day. That wasn't even the worst of it._

_Being able to secure a few part-time jobs, Sonic, Tails, and the Chaotix were able to keep up the rent with barely enough money left over at the end of the week. On Saturdays, they sent Tails to pick up their dinner. One night, everything changed._

_Tails was walking home from the China Palace when he ran into Eggman. _

"_Eggman? What are you doing here?"_

_Eggman scowled. "You know, I do have a life outside of taking over the world. Contrary to popular belief, I don't spend every hour of the day plotting nefarious plans. I am human, after all, and I must eat to stay alive." He retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. _

"_Oh… sorry, Eggman. I just didn't expect to see you here. What are you doing, anyway?"_

_He sighed deeply. "If you really must know, I was just picking up dinner before I go home to watch this movie." He held up a case._

"_No way… is that the…"_

_Eggman smiled. "Yes, it is! I was able to obtain it months before the release date! I won't disclose my method, however. If you want, I could sell it to you. I have hundreds of other movies at home."_

_Tails looked tempted. With work consuming most of their lives like it never had before, he had come to appreciate the smaller pleasures in life much more. "Well… I don't have any money. I only have twenty dollars' worth of Chinese food."_

"_What a coincidence! That's exactly the asking price for this movie!"_

_Tails' rational part of his brain told him to ignore Eggman's offer and return home with dinner, but he eventually gave in. Handing a large plastic bag full of cartons to Eggman, he gained the DVD in return. _

_Excitedly, he flew home and crashed through the front door. Sonic and the Chaotix were already sitting at the communal table, obviously ready for dinner. _

"_All right, Tails! Did you get the food?"_

"_Even better! I traded our Chinese food for THIS!" He proudly held up his copy of the DVD. _

_The case was blue, and a large Eggman Industries logo cleverly obscured the true company name at the top. The title "The Eggvengers" was pasted over top of several superheroes. A man in a metallic suit hovered above the rest, with a large metallic moustache that looked exactly like Eggman's attached to his face. A huge green monster also sported a copy of the moustache, making him look utterly ridiculous instead of threatening. A muscular man holding a hammer stood next to a man in a patriotic suit holding a shield. They were both wearing copies of the mustache, seeming to be the most realistic of the bunch. A man dressed in green, holding a scepter and wearing a crown of some type loomed over the group of heroes. He was also wearing a mustache. All in all, it looked completely unrealistic, and it was going to be hard to take any of these heroes seriously. _

_Sonic looked ashen. "YOU DID WHAT? YOU SOLD OUR DINNER FOR THAT? WHAT THE HECK IS' THE EGGVENGERS', ANYWAY?" he asked to no one in particular. _

_Tails' ears drooped. "Well… I just traded our dinner for this to Eggman. He says that he got it months before the real DVD will come out."_

_Sonic slapped his face. "You traded our dinner to Eggman for a bootlegged copy of a movie that's still in theatres." It wasn't a question, it was a statement._

_Vector seemed optimistic about the change in events. "I say we put it in and see how it is! It looks like a lot of fun!"_

_Scraping together a few leftovers, Sonic, Tails, Espio, Charmy, and Vector were able to watch the movie on the television in the lobby over a light dinner. _

_Nearly half an hour later, something strange occurred. In the middle of the movie where the villain, "Eggki", just broke into the Eggvengers' floating fortress, the view shifted from the film to that of a dark hallway. It continued to move down that hallway to the lobby of the cinema. Handing a wad of cash to a clerk behind the counter and receiving a bucket of popcorn in return, the view eventually returned to the movie screen, where "Eggki" was making his escape on a jet and "EggEye" was knocked out on a catwalk. _

_After the movie was over, Sonic refused to admit that he enjoyed it. Oh, he'd pay a visit to Eggman tomorrow to talk about this, for sure._

Eggman burst out laughing. "Seriously? You? Brought down by taxes? Ha ha ha ha! Living in a hotel? Eating fast food every day? HA HA HA HA!" He convulsed with laughter, rolling on the cell floor.

Finally standing up, he wiped his eyes. "Thanks for giving me the best laugh I'd had in a long time."

"By the way, Eggman, what happened when the movie cut to a shot of the hallway?" Tails inquired.

Eggman scowled. "It was Metal Sonic getting popcorn. Don't even question that, we all know that he's a robot. I guess that it's just some response that's hardwired into everyone who walks into a movie theater."

"That's great, Eggman, but can we focus on the problem at hand? We're still trapped in here."

"Don't worry, you two. I have an idea. We just need to wait until a guard comes along…"

**Just a bit of a backstory to explain what Sonic would be doing in Eggman's fortress without a good reason. (Other than Eggman Mart, of course.)**


	5. Breakout

_"I'm honored that you'd have me present today..."_

_She cut him off with a warm smile. "After all you've done, it's the least I could do."_

_He sighed, looking out over the courtyard. Amazingly, the castle had been re-constructed in almost under a year after its destruction. Today would mark both the commemoration of the new castle and Zelda's coronation._

_"I know that it's been hard for you." she whispered._

_Slowly, he nodded. "It's been almost a year since she left. I...I have to move on with my life. I've accomplished nothing in these last few months. I think.. this might be just what I need." He gently took her hand in his. "I want to thank you for supporting me for these last few months." he said, his voice cracking. "You were always there for me when I needed help..." he turned away, not wanting her to see the tears forming in his eyes._

_She put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. After hesitating for a second, he put his arms around her and returned the embrace._

_"I'm sorry. I... shouldn't be acting like this." he whispered into her ear._

_"It's all right, Link." she said, pulling her face back so she could look into his eyes. "I..."_

_She was cut off by a loud crash. Turning around, she could see that a figure had materialized behind her._

_Before either of them could make a move, the entire courtyard was covered in thick, black smoke. Falling helplessly to the ground, Link lost consciousness._

Link slowly opened his eyes. Clutching his head in pain, he lifted his head to survey his surroundings.

He was in a cell, about six feet to a side. A length of chain hung freely on the wall, the manacle standing open. In a pile in the corner, he saw that his shield and sword lay intact. This struck him as odd.

What was most peculiar, however, was the composition of the room itself. It seemed to be made up entirely of blackness. It didn't really have a form, only somehow existing in a solid shape, yet it was stronger than metal. It seemed to absorb the light around it, the only source of which came from a dimly flickering torch across the hall.

He was struck with an odd sense of déjà vu, followed by confusion. Who would leave him alone and unchained in a cell with his sword and shield intact?

He didn't have much time to contemplate it, as he heard the steady march of a guard's feet from down the hall. Stealing a quick glance out the cell door, he could see that it was a yellow reptile of sorts with a bright green shell. Thinking quickly, he hid in the space beside the door and the wall.

The Koopa peered around the corner, looking into Link's cell. With a swift movement, he brought his fist down on the Koopa's head, knocking him out cold. Picking up the keys left behind by the unconscious guard, he unlocked his cell door and pulled the Koopa inside. After fastening one of the manacles around the Koopa's wrist, he knelt to pick up his sword and shield.

Exiting the cell and locking the door behind him, he found Zelda sitting in the cell immediately next to his. He unlocked the door and entered the cell.

Overjoyed, Zelda embraced him tightly. "What's going on, Link? Why are we here? How did you get out?"

"I'll tell you everything, but we need to get moving. I knocked out a guard and took his keys. I don't know how long I have until he alerts anyone else."

They quickly walked down the corridor, with Link peering into several of the cells off to the side. "I don't know why we're here. The last thing I remember was someone landing in the courtyard, just before the ceremony."

She frowned, concentrating on something. "Hold on for a second. Can you hear that?"

Listening carefully, he could just make out a faint conversation from beyond the corner:

"Listen up! I think I hear a guard coming this way!"

"It's about time, too! It feels like we've been waiting for one for three months!"

"Come on, Tails. It's only been about an hour."

"All right, Sonic, when he makes it here, pretend to be sick in your cell. Do anything to make him come over and look, I don't know, pretend to throw up or something."

"Yeah, then what?"

"If he's even somewhat competent, he'll stay out of your cell, but turn his back to me. That will give me the opportunity to tase him. When he slumps unconscious near the door of your cell, you can take the keys from him." Eggman said, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

Sonic looked incredulous. "You have a _taser_ on you?"

"You don't?" Eggman countered. "Besides, it's built into my suit. A one time high-voltage discharge. Normally, I'd only use it in emergencies, but I think that this situation certainly qualifies." Noticing the strange looks he was getting from Sonic and Tails, Eggman stopped to explain. "You don't think that I wear this suit every day just to look good, do you? I can assure you that it actually serves a purpose."

"Hey! It's just like that scene in the Eggvengers when Eggki was locked in that glass prison, and then..."

"TAILS! Keep quiet! Do you want them to hear?"

Link didn't like where this conversation was going, but he saw an opportunity present itself. Silently, he turned around to face Zelda.

"I'm going to let the other prisoners out. The guards can't catch all of us at once, so we'd have a better chance of getting out of here." he said in a hushed whisper.

"Are you sure, Link? It sounds risky- what happens if they try to attack you?"

"I'll stop them." he said simply, gesturing to the sword on his back.

"They let you keep your weapons? Doesn't that seem kind of suspicious...?"

He smiled. "Yes, I've been meaning to thank you for that. If you hadn't convinced me to show up at the ceremony like this, then I would be defenseless..."

He rounded the corner, coming into full view of Sonic's cell. Right on cue, Sonic began to feign throwing up.

"Ugg... I need help... open the door... urrrg..."

Not convinced by this display, Link kept his eyes on Eggman. He wasn't sure what it meant to "tase" something, but based on the context, he didn't want to be on the receiving end of a "tase".

Eggman shifted nervously, obviously not expecting this turn in events. Putting on a cheesy smile, he waddled around the cell, attempting to divert attention from himself.

Not deterred by his previous lack of a convincing performance, Sonic feigned throwing up again.

"You can stop with the charade. I heard everything you said." Link stated calmly, never taking his eyes off of Eggman.

"Wait a second... you don't look like any of those other guards." Eggman's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"

"It's of no relevance to you what I'm doing. But, I'm presenting you with an opportunity to get out of here." He unlocked the door. "I suggest you take it."

Sonic eyed him warily. "Just like that, huh? What's in it for you?"

"I'm sure that I don't know what you mean..."

"No, really, what's in it for you? Escapees never just help anyone else like that. There has to be some catch."

Link rolled his eyes. "Fine. I need some... _help..._ escaping." he said, choosing his words carefully. Technically, it was the truth.

Link proceeded to unlock Sonic's and Tails' cells. "If you're coming, then I suggest that we leave now. Otherwise, that guard that I knocked out might alert some of his friends, and ..."

Sonic took the hint. Exiting his cell, he turned to face Link. "Thanks, I guess..."

"Oh, don't thank me yet. We're still not out of here."

Looking back down the hallway, Link saw that the door to his former cell was open, and the Koopa was nowhere to be seen.

"We're running out of time. We need to get moving."

With Sonic and his companions in tow, Link continued down the hallway to the next cell block. Looking in the cells one by one, he found Mario, Luigi, and Bowser, apparently coming out of unconsciousness.

Deciding to throw subtlety out the window in exchange for time, he unlocked their cell doors and wrenched them open.

"Hurry up! We need to get going!"

"W-what?" muttered Luigi, still groggy from 'Count Bleck's' attack.

"There's no time to lose! We need to get out of here!" Mario whispered urgently, pulling Luigi to his feet.

Bowser had already regained his footing by this time. "I say we take the opportunity! Remember how long it took us to get out of that Bleck guy's castle last time?"

"So does that mean..." he was interrupted by the sound of running feet coming from the corridor behind him.

Deciding not to waste any more time, Link began running down the dark hallway, looking back to make sure that Zelda was behind him. Mario and Luigi were being tailed by Bowser, who moved at a surprising speed for his size. Tails ran along with Mario, finding it hard to fly in the cramped hallway. Sonic easily outpaced the rest of the group, grinning casually as he did so. Eggman was also able to keep up with the rest of the group, showing surprising physical prowess for his size.

Abruptly, the floor flashed with a white light. A ripple ran through the air as the dungeon walls seemed to flicker and distort. Before anyone could make a move, the universe disappeared in a flash of white light.


	6. Interlude- Parse to the Source

Phil waddled up the stairs as fast as he could, knowing better than to be late for one of _his_ meetings. He cursed his tiny Goomba legs and the fact that the stairs were much too big for him to ascend easily.

He wasn't entirely sure why the Boss had to hold these meetings regularly, but he knew better than to question him, if what had happened to Gary was any example. He involuntarily shuddered, trying to clear the gruesome image out of his mind's eye.

The Boss- and he would always be known as that, it was forbidden to even _think_ his name- wasn't exactly the nicest of people. He had the annoying tendency to gruesomely dissect any underlings who dared to question him, his abrupt mood swings were enough to make anyone dizzy, he never completely revealed himself to anyone; save for those closest in his cabinet, and he had a laundry list of unusual personality quirks.

None of this mattered. If you wanted to live, you did what the boss said. Period.

Reaching the top of the stairs, he pushed the door open with his head and hesitantly poked his head inside.

"Come in." said an icy voice.

Hesitantly, he edged into the room, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. He could just make out the outline of a chessboard on the table. Sixteen other members of the Evil Cabinet sat around the table, awaiting orders.

It hadn't taken long for Phil to rise in the ranks. After that incident last year, with the Boss almost dying, he had been the one to retrieve the Boss' broken body from the Void and return him to the castle. In a rare display of gratitude, the Boss had promoted Phil to be on his Evil Cabinet.

Despite what everyone else believed, the castle miraculously survived the near apocalypse and the suppression of the Void. The Boss would later explain, in very ambiguous terms, that he somehow managed to "re-activate" the Void and use it as a base of operations.

The Evil Cabinet was made up of the boss' most trusted members of his meager army. After what everyone loosely called _the incident_, several of Bowser's troops chose to defect and join the Boss' ranks. Unfortunately, the Boss' trust varied from day-to-day, and the Evil Cabinet had an extremely high member turnover rate.

It was unanimously regarded that allying with the Boss was an exceptionally stupid decision. By the time most troops realized that, nearly twenty-five percent of the defectors had been viciously slaughtered. By this point, though, they truly had no choice.

The figure sitting behind the table grinned, revealing his gleaming white teeth in the darkness. He reached out in front of him and moved a remarkably accurate figurine of Bowser to a square on the board.

"Excellent. Everything is falling into place." He moved another figurine, this time resembling Mario.

"Now. I have a question. Which of you WAS IN CHARGE OF SECURITY TODAY!?" he screamed, dropping his calm demeanor in seconds.

Mike, a Koopa in charge of security, held an internal debate with himself. It was suicide to admit failure to the Boss, especially since he had the nasty habit of dissecting minions once they "outlived their usefulness." On the other hand, rumors were going around that _the Boss could read minds._ Either way, he was doomed. Hoping for a painless death, he decided to speak up. "I..I..I w-w-was.. B..B-boss."

"Excellent." The Boss' hand shot out to the side, wreathed in purple flame. He grabbed the Koopa nearest to him, who began to scream in agony.

"B-but I said that I was responsible for security!" Mike blurted, placing his honor before reason.

The screaming increased in pitch.

The figure's eyes gleamed with malice. "I know. But... I will punish your friend for your failure. Think of it as... motivation." Abruptly, the screaming stopped. With an idle flick of his wrist, the Boss threw the corpse against the wall. "Remove the debris from my sight."

Obediently, two Grubbas marched up and hesitantly picked up the now-lifeless body of the Koopa.

"Let that be a lesson. I do not tolerate failure."

"Now. I will explain once again. This operation is time-critical. Before _someone_ slipped up and let them escape early, I was supposed to gather them all together. Regrettably, that is now impossible. The spell is already in effect."

In a second, he was screaming again. "You messed up the entire operation_! IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN THIS WAY! They ALL needed to be here!"_

A brave board member chose to speak up. "W-why do you need them all in one place?"

Abruptly, the Boss' mood shifted again. "An excellent question. Might I remind you that, at least for the time being, I can only use a finite amount of magic before my power is exhausted? I had to bring them here so I could _send_ them all from one place."

Motioning with his hands, the Boss created another two figurines-one black, and one red.

"Unfortunately, I had to use the last of my power to return here. I must still obtain _him_" he mentioned as he set the red figurine next to a large, obese model of a man, " and _him." _he said as he set the black figurine in the middle of the board, away from any of the others.

The Koopa nearest the figure decided to speak up again. "If you weren't wasting time with all those silly charades, Boss, you'd have been able to do it a lot faster! I'm no expert, but it must take a lot of magic to create those illusions, to change forms, and to-"

The minion never got to finish his sentence. The Boss' clawed hand eviscerated the back of the Koopa's skull, spraying the rest of the room with tiny chunks of bone. The distinctive odor of roasting flesh permeated the room.

"There is a purpose to everything I do. Remember that." he said, relishing the horrified faces on the rest of the Cabinet members.

The figure rose from his seat, still wreathed in darkness.

"I will return shortly. Until then, _you_ are in charge." He casually mentioned, pointing at Phil, who turned a sickly shade of white.

"Tim! Mark! You two are appointed to my Evil Cabinet, effective immediately! Pray you don't disappoint me." the Boss murmured to the guards, changing moods in an instant once again.

With much fanfare, the Boss motioned with his arms and disappeared from the room. A shockwave washed over the rest of the board, signaling his departure.

**Who's the Boss? I think I made it fairly obvious by this point.**


End file.
